Polidickal Erectness: When the dick factor in politics sticks out

Polidicks

After taking a couple of politics classes in university I have concluded that I think it’s boring. The only thing I find interesting in politics are sex scandals. To my demise there aren’t a lot of sex scandals in politics lately. So instead waiting around for these politicians to get their freak on I compiled a list of the most scandalous scandals:

1. Strom Thurmond: One of the most vocal advocates of segregation in America was famous for his racist views and outspoken manner of expressing them. It was shockingly revealed shortly after Thurmond’s death in 2003 that he had fathered a child with an African-American maid when the maid, Carrie Butler, was just 15.

2. Franklin Roosevelt: The strong, no-nonsense president is best known for serving the nation during the Depression and creating the New Deal to help the economy recover. What is less widely known about the president is that he carried on a long-term affair with his wife’s former secretary, Lucy Mercer. Eleanor Roosevelt discovered evidence of the affair in 1918 and agreed to continue the marriage if her husband would stop seeing Mercer. The affair continued anyway, apparently unknown to Eleanor. Lucy Mercer was with the president when the fatal brain hemorrhage struck him in 1944.


3. James Buchanan: Often considered to be among the worst (or at least the most forgettable) American presidents, Buchanan spent much of his public life facing speculation about his sexual orientation. Although he was at one time engaged to a woman (Ann Coleman), she died before their wedding and he never married. He did, however, spend 15 years living with a male companion who many people speculated was more than just a close friend. William Rufus King was referred to as “Buchanan’s Wife,” “Aunt Fancy,” and various other nicknames which were believed to indicate the presence of a deeper relationship than was publicly admitted.

4. Alexander Hamilton: Among the few political figures who managed to look like sort of a good guy even after a sex scandal, Hamilton fell victim to a con man and his wife in 1791. Maria Reynolds approached Hamilton (who was married with three children) for help that year, claiming that her husband had abandoned her and that she had nowhere to turn. The two began an intimate affair that lasted for about two years. During this time, Maria and her husband, James, blackmailed Hamilton for over $1000 (a princely sum in the late 18th century) in exchange for the uninterrupted continuation of the affair. After receiving their money, the couple spread nasty political rumors about Hamilton, alleging that he was involved in insider trading of political secrets. Hamilton eventually cleared his name with unprecedented honesty and candor, but his public image never fully recovered. Having been pegged as a future presidential candidate prior to the scandal, Hamilton’s influence fell sharply following the incidents.


5. John F. Kennedy: Almost everyone knows about JFK’s philandering ways. From models to journalists to Marilyn Monroe, Kennedy was a proven ladies’ man who enjoyed more than his fair share of extramarital escapades. For the most part, though, they were covered up by the media both during his presidency and, for a time, after his death.
The more I dug up the more I came to realize that there are tons of sex scandals in politics. Man these presidents cannot keep their wonder twins in their pants.

Ninja Out,

Wonton

Source: Polizine



A Blog 'bout Blago

I'm sitting here with a blanket wrapped around my body and over my head, trying to fight off this wicked cold as if I'm Ryu in Street Fighter, desperately trying to avoid E.Honda's Hyaku Retsu Harite (Hundred Violent Sumo Hands). It doesn't seem to be working. No matter how many "Hadouken's" of meds and liquids I bust out, my efforts seem to be futile. No better topic to write about and transfer the contempt I have for my condition, than this:

Now the word Recession has been harder to escape than the Jonas Brothers, and digusts me more than hearing network news talk about "Octomom." I personally think that regardless of how bad things get, we still have it really really fucking good...My proof? I don't see anyone I know swatting off flies unless they're throwing out the garbage or chillin' with a crackhead. I do agree that this is just my experience with how things are. I've only been slightly affected. There are an unfortunate amount of people in North America who are now struggling to eat, feed their children and who have lost or are losing their homes.

I believe that as much as these people have been financially double-fisted (and not in a good way...wait, I've always wondered, is that ever in a good way?) they really got a slap in the face last week. Why a slap in the face? Three words: Blagojevic Book Deal.

For those who don't know about Rod Blagojevic, I will start by saying that "Rod" is an appropriate name for him. He was the governer of Illinois who conspired to commit several "pay-to-play" schemes. As governor's appoint empty senate seats (senate seat empty because Obama moved on to become President) he attempted to sell off the seat to the highest bidder. What's worse is that he was super ignorant about the whole thing. Denial, denial, denial throughout the process even though it was all on tape. Yup, what a "rod" indeed.

This corrupt act earned him a beautiful 59-0 impeachment vote in the Illinois State Senate at the end of January, and there still may be possible jail time for him.

Awesome! Justice served, everyone can move on, blah blah etc etc right? Well, not so quickly. If only it was so easy. Unfortunately it seems that much of the scum within the world get rewarded, especially when there is such media attention involved. Sadly, a sign of the times. Last week it was widely reported that Blagojevic received a six-figure book deal to write about the "evil in poltics." Dude, that's like Gene Simmons writing a book on how "oral sex is disgusting." What a fucking joke.

There are all of these honest and hard working people struggling, barely being able to live, and then we have this douche getting rich off of his mastery of douchery. Reminds me of the whole OJ Simpson "If I did it" thing.

Yup, sad-sign-o-the-times indeed. Let's just hope this bullshit doesn't end up happening.

Now someone please get me some Neo-Citrin.

Talk to you sooner than soon,

-Samosa